I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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