Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
