I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
