you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
