Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
