it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
