Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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