My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
