my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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