honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
