sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
