I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
