i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
