Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
