Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
