So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
