Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
