Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
