are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
