I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
