Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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