My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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