i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
