I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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