I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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