I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
