you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
