Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
