Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
