I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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