Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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