just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what day is it and did you see me today?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you made out with another girl for some wings
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
