I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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