You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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