My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm both gender and math confused
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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