Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
