it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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