I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
