i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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