There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
what is it with giant penises always finding me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Randomize
