I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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