Yo dont text me then not text me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
