Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
