he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
