Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
