I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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