I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
