I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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