Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
