so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
