If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Can i not drive my cunt home
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
