when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
