just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize