why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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