Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize