just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
