Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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