So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
