i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
