I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
