Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize