know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
