Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
