oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
