For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
