you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
