ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize