So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
