I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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