they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
