i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
