and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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