I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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