Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
