He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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