so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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