the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
